You’ve probably heard of the Golden Rule: Treat others as
you want others to treat you, or some variation thereof. It is a rule that
makes sense and needs little explanation. Of course, we should treat others
with the respect and kindness that we would want from others. So why is it so
difficult to apply that rule the other way and treat ourselves with the love
and respect that we give others?
Self-respect is applying the golden rule to yourself. It is
to treat yourself in a way that you treat others. It is to respect, love,
protect, and care for yourself each and every day. It is to let go of judgment
and criticism and replace it with patience and gratitude.
There are some strategies that can help you improve your
sense of self-respect:
- Identify
your values: Start by understanding yourself.
Imagine suddenly losing everything you own and being left with nothing but
yourself. Ask yourself: “What is important to me? What are my values? Why
do I settle for less? What could remind me of my value?”
- Keep
the focus on internal qualities: Be mindful that
you may get caught up in thinking that your worth as a person is due to
external factors like your net worth, position, looks, possessions, or the
number of followers you have on social media. Self-respect however, is
about internal qualities like your character, morals, values, and
actions.
- Work
on accepting yourself: Start to pay attention to
your thought patterns without getting caught up in them. Concentrate on
self-acceptance and let go of your harsh internal critic. Commit to
forgiving yourself and accepting your flaws, bad habits, and all the
things you don't like about yourself.
- Challenge
negative thoughts: Pay attention to how
your negative thought patterns affect your actions. Identify
your triggers for negative thoughts and rationalize them. For instance, if
a negative experience or lack of specific skills causes you to
automatically call yourself unworthy, it can be helpful to recognize this
thought process and challenge it: “Even if I’m not great at singing, I am
still worthy of love and respect.”
- Don’t
give in to self-doubt: Focus on loosening the
grip of self-doubt. Nobody can make you feel unworthy of respect unless
you permit them to do so. Develop a kinship with yourself and understand
your strengths and values. Remind yourself that just as we have a moral
obligation to respect others, we also have a moral obligation to respect
ourselves.
In order to develop self-respect, you have to act on it.
You show others how you want to be treated by your actions and words. Show them
that you are valuable by speaking up and setting strong boundaries.
