Some people
exude negativity. They don’t like their jobs or they don’t like their company.
Their bosses are always jerks and they are always treated unfairly. The company
is always going down the tube and customers are worthless.
Very often,
negative people do not realize how their pessimistic attitude can affect
others, and therefore they do very little to try to change how they act.
Luckily, there are certain tips and pointers that you can use to better deal
with the negative vibes that are being emitted in their company.
So, how does
one deal with negative people?
One obvious
solution is to walk away from them. But this is easier said than done. You can’t always just “get rid of”
negative people. Sometimes they are your family, friends, coworkers. People
have bad days. Even you.
A more
practical approach to dealing with them is to start by understanding the
reasons for their negativity. In brief, almost all negativity has its roots in
one of three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected by others, the
fear of not being loved by others, and the fear that “bad things” are going to
happen. These fears feed off each other to fuel the belief that “the world is a
dangerous place and people are generally mean.”
The fears that
negative people harbor manifest themselves in a variety of ways, including:
• A thin skin,
or the proclivity to take umbrage at others’ comments; e.g., “you look good
today” is interpreted as, “you mean, I didn’t look good yesterday?”
• Judgmentalism,
or the tendency to impute negative motivations to others’ innocent actions;
thus, guests who don’t compliment a meal are judged as “uncouth brutes who don’t
deserve future invitations.”
• Diffidence: A
sense of helplessness about one’s ability to deal with life’s challenges,
leading to anxiety in facing those challenges, and to shame or guilt when the
challenges are not met.
• Demanding
nature: Although negative people are diffident about their own abilities, they
nevertheless put pressure on close-others to succeed and “make me proud” and
“not let me down”.
• Pessimism, or
the tendency to believe that the future is bleak; thus, for example, negative
people can more readily think of ways in which an important sales call will go
badly than well.
• Risk aversion,
especially in social settings. This leads to reluctance to divulge any
information that could be “used against me,” leading, ultimately, to boring
conversations and superficial relationships.
• The need to
control others’—especially close-others’—behaviors. For example, negative
people have strong preferences on what and how their children should eat, what
type of car their spouse should drive, etc.
Notice a common
feature across all of these manifestations of negativity: the tendency to blame
external factors—other people, the environment, or “luck”—rather than oneself,
for one’s negative attitudes. Thus, negative people tend to think, “If only
people realized my true worth, if only people were nicer and the world wasn’t
fraught with danger, and if only my friends, relatives, and colleagues behaved
like I want them to, then I’d be happy!”
Being around
negative people is toxic and can negatively affect us. As practitioners, we can
often find ourselves living in a bubble of positive, like-minded people, which
makes it a little more difficult to have patience for people who are the
opposite. It is one of the many challenges in trying to implement Lean, but it
is also a wonderful reminder for us to go back to the lessons we learn through respect
for people.
Not letting
that negativity affect us is not easy, and encouraging negative people to
change is even more so. Approaching both with kindness, non-judgement, and our
own positivity can make things a bit easier.
How do you deal
with negative people in your life? Share with us below!
